Tough Love and Recovery
Usually when people love each other it means that they show affection and are really nice to each other – but there are times when this is not the case. Sometimes loving someone can mean treating that person in a harsh or stern manner to help that person change in a positive way. This version of love is often referred to as “tough love.”
When it comes to recovery from drug or alcohol addictions, tough love may be necessary to help those loved ones out of cycles of abuse and addiction. This tough love may be might be perceived as somewhat cruel – especially initially — but people may actually feel the need to act this way toward an addicted loved one in order to be kind.
Tough love is simply love or affection that is shown in a stern or unsentimental manner. Usually, motivation to engage in tough love comes to promote favorable behavior in another. For instance, parents use tough love when they enforce rules or withhold things from their children in order to teach them life lessons. When it comes to tough love, one individual is treating the other harshly because they love the individual enough to help them change. They are not acting out of anger or hatred toward the other individual.
With tough love and addiction, there are definite times when tough love needs to be employed. When one feels helpless to stop the downfall of their loved one through addiction, they may turn to measures of tough love to help their loved one see clearly how much love is truly felt for them. After watching a loved one destroy their life with addiction, most will have tried to be patient and reasonable. But, the time may come when the addict continues to be in denial about the scope of their problem and people realize that kindly and gently helping the addict is actually enabling addictive behaviors. In this case, and many others, tough love can be very useful. Many addicts learn to be manipulative in order to get their way and so once they learn they can no longer manipulate and that tough love will be enforced, they may begin the steps back to sobriety through recovery.
Tough love in recovery can include: withdrawing or withholding money from individuals, telling them to move out of one’s home, strictly enforced curfews, and other things that occur when addicts violate trust or go back on their word as far as their recovery plan. Tough love is tough. Especially when one is dealing with those they love dearly. However, it is often through tough love, that addicts turn around and begin anew on the road to recovery.