How do families of addicts cope during the holidays?
For many families who have a member that abuses drugs or alcohol, the holidays can be an extremely stressful time. Not only is this a difficult time for the user themselves, it’s hard for families to watch the addicts make poor choices or even struggle not to give in during the holidays.
Many people associate the holidays with dreamy, happy scenes of ease. For families of addicts, however, the reality is something extremely different. In fact, the holidays can be a time of tensions, sadness, and overindulgent behavior that is later regretted. Managing the stress of substance abuse issues while trying to maintain peace and promote family unity can seem impossible. Also, not handling the issues correctly can lead to the addict feeling further isolated and having a possible relapse.
Social Work Today recently contacted several behavioral health and addictions specialists who shared their thoughts on the most pressing issues these families must navigate to make the holidays as enjoyable as possible. They indicated that “Communication within families about these issues is really important, and families need to talk about them. Addiction doesn’t need to be a secret.”
Further, they recommend that families manage expectations
Most experts agree that one of the most important steps families with substance abuse issues can take is to explore their expectations for the holidays. Far too often, families have expectations that don’t reflect reality but instead are rooted in Norman Rockwell paintings.
Sometimes there are false expectations such as thinking an addict in recovery may be happy and outgoing when really they might be struggling with withdrawal or living without their drug of choice.
Also, if you include actively using family members in your holiday activities, you have to set clear boundaries for everyone’s safety. However, completely excluding them may increase feelings of shame or isolation in the addict. That, in turn, may drive the addict deeper into substance abuse. Finding a healthy balance can be difficult.
It’s good to show support to a family member struggling with addiction. Some families have success in confronting drug abuse issue when families are together for the holidays. But, if families are going to attempt to intervene or discuss the addiction, they must have a clear plan and do so with patience and understanding. Otherwise, it’s easy for good intentions to backfire into arguing and shaming.
Sometimes families get impatient when they watch a loved one relapse over and over again. It’s important to know also that family members can only do so much to help the recovering addict. But ultimately, the addict must take charge of their own recovery. Sometimes they have to hit a significant low in order to gain motivation to take care of their addiction. It’s good to realize that families cannot hold themselves accountable for the addict’s behavior. It’s not the families’ responsibility to keep the addict sober during the holidays; it’s the addict’s responsibility. (socialworktoday.com)